Changeling
For I craved violence, I crave to be free
From the people who wish to control me
—“Woe to the People of Order”, Cami-Cat
It lived with a Big One and another Big One. When It wailed, they held It and made soft sounds. The sounds were not all the same. The sound “Mama” was somehow attached to the Big One who held It and fed It. The other Big One was “Dada.” It had Itself learned to make the sounds “Mama” and “Dada.” Other sounds It understood but could not yet shape. The Big Ones said “Baby” or “Tommie” when they talked to It. A small furry killer who lived with them was “Kitty.” Kitty taught It of pain and caution.
Mama and Dada were not always kind. They would take away things It wanted to keep. They would not let It go everywhere It wanted. They would not let It have all the sweets It wanted. It screamed and fought them. It could not hurt them—they were stronger.
Yet It felt something. As It screamed and beat Its fists against Mama, a path seemed to open. Through that path It felt her fear and anger and surprise.
This happened again. Mama went out into the green open place. Kitty was there. Mama made sounds at Kitty, and then It felt that path to Mama again. Through the path It felt something new—the new feeling was like fear and like anger, but It could tell that the fear and anger pointed at Kitty.
Kitty was low to the ground, making a noise, tail flicking back and forth. Kitty’s eyes were fixed on a tiny furry animal. Looking at the tiny furry thing, It felt a new path open. The feelings on this new path came from the tiny animal. The feelings were big and full of fear. Never had It felt anything so strong. It found another path. This new path came from Kitty. Kitty’s feeling felt like a kind of happy hunger. Kitty reached toward the tiny animal with one of her hands. She did something and sharp white things sprang from her hand. She stabbed the tiny animal in the back with the sharp things and pulled it to her. The tiny animal squirmed and made a thin squealing noise, and through its path the tiny animal’s fear got bigger. Kitty’s happy hunger feeling got bigger. Mama’s fear and anger feeling got bigger, too. She screamed. Dada came. He did something to the tiny animal and the path from it closed. Then he threw something at Kitty. Kitty’s happy hunger feeling ended. She jumped away from Dada. She filled with anger. She made an angry sound at Dada and darted away, and the path closed. Mama’s fear and anger turned to a warm feeling for Dada, and that path closed, too.
This was intoxicating. It wanted more.
#
After a sleep, It felt for the path to Kitty. The path was hard to find when Kitty was quiet, but when Kitty woke, It could feel something. The path was there, somewhere, in a place that wasn’t a place. With an eye that was not an eye, It looked for that place where the path was. With a mouth that wasn’t a mouth, It blew into the path. Kitty jumped up and shook herself. Then, It collected all that feeling of fear and anger It had gathered from Mama, and It blew them into the path to Kitty. Kitty yowled and glared at It and made the angry sound she had made at Dada. It pointed Kitty’s fear and anger at Dada. That was easy. Kitty remembered that Dada had thrown a rock at her.
Kitty jumped up and hissed at Dada. Dada was surprised and a little afraid, It could feel. Pushing on Kitty, It blew up her fear and anger at Dada. Kitty yowled again, then launched herself furiously at Dada’s face. Kitty scratched Dada’s face with her hand. Streaks appeared on Dada’s face and leaked red. Dada yelled and grabbed at Kitty.
Mama grabbed Kitty and pulled her away from Dada. Mama put Kitty outside.
Mama sat on Dada’s lap and kissed him where Kitty had scratched him. It felt Mama’s strong love for Dada. It searched inside Mama’s feeling and found little seeds of anger at Dada. It blew them bigger, until Mama felt the killing lust that Kitty had felt toward the tiny furry thing. Mama’s hands, bloody from Kitty’s scratches on Dada’s face, gripped Dada’s neck. Dada’s path was easy to find now, and It filled him with quiet despair. That was easy—Dada was always full of despair. Dada looked up to where It was standing, holding on to a chair to stay upright and watching Dada. Dada knew, It could tell.
Mama squeezed Dada’s neck. Dada relaxed, staring into Its eyes. Soon Dada began to make funny noises. Then he stopped. The path to Dada went away.
When Dada was gone, It let go of Mama. It felt her fill with horror. She began to scream.
Mama’s horror was the biggest feeling It had ever felt. It tasted so sweet.
Then, something broke open. There were words in Mama, “He’s dead! I killed Tom!” It understood that these were thoughts made of words, and that they had meaning.
For just a moment It knew It was free of Dada and Mama. And that was the sweetest of all.
#
Mary’s screaming soon brought the police. Officer Conti questioned her.
“I killed him. I strangled him,” she told him.
Tom was dead, his windpipe collapsed, the marks of Mary’s fingers on his throat. She was just a little thing. Tom was not a big man, but it was surprising he had not been able to defend himself.
Later, Mary was a little calmer.
“Why did you do it? Did he hurt you?”
“No, Tom never hurt me. I just don’t know, officer. I suddenly just felt so angry—I don’t know why.”
Mary went to prison.
Tommie was taken to be raised by Mary’s parents.
Afterword
In writing this story I borrowed characters from Chapter 24 of John Steinbeck’s Cannery Row. I also borrowed the scene in which Kitty Casini kills a mouse.
The cover image is a phase portrait of
The portrait is rotated 60° clockwise.
A phase portrait is a visualization of a complex function introduced by Elias Wegert in Visual Complex Functions: An Introduction with Phase Portraits.